Living in the World of IQ 90: 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Going to the Doctor

No one likes to go to the doctor or dentist. Well, maybe some of you are drug seeking addicts or hypochondriacs and love it, but most of us can’t stand even a routine check up.

Whether it is the germ infested waiting room, or the plethora of people talking on cell phones despite the signs to turn them off, a bad visit to the doctor can start before you ever even get into an exam room. Wait in this waiting room for an hour or so watching an infomercial on hair restoration and you will be ripe to deal with the doctor when it is your turn.

“Sorry about the wait”, your doctor apologizes before even coming in the room.

Naked (because paper gowns cover so much) and in no condition to argue, you smile politely and move on to the issue that brought you to the office in the first place.

Problems you might go to the doctor for and the responses you never want to hear:

Patient: “Doctor, I found this lump right here”.

Doctor: “Yes, I feel it”. Presses hard.

Patient: “Ouch”

Doctor: “Oh, that’s good because cancer doesn’t usually hurt.”
_______

Patient: “Doctor, my knee keeps locking up and it’s hard to walk”.

Doctor: “How did you get in here? You shouldn’t be walking. You tore your ACL and need surgery.”
________
Patient: “This headache won’t go away; I’ve had it since I last saw you three weeks ago.”

Doctor: “What are you doing here? You could be hemorrhaging! You probably have a brain tumor.”
________
Patient: “So did you find anything?”

Doctor: “I did, but I don’t know what the hell it is.”
________
Doctor: “They told you everything was alright?”

Patient: “Yes” Hour long intense exam ensues.

Doctor: “Well, they were right.”

Because real life is better than anything you can make up.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Humor: Insecurity

Humor: Not so Tasty Tea

Humor: Tag Sales

Yes, we recently had a tag sale, that yearly hoeing out of the junk that accumulates in the garage that people screech their tires to stop and look at. The junk that ends up in their garage and they sell next year at their own tag sale.

What I find the most interesting about tag sales is the haggling that goes on. “How much is this (fill in the blank)?”

“It has .50 cents on it.”

“I’ll give you a quarter.”

Yeah, I know, we all like a bargain, but really, haggling over .25 cents? For a once used audio book that was purchased six months ago for $28?

“Take it. You can have it. I already listened to it. He dies in the end. Sad, sad story and so unexpected.”

Better yet are the people who won’t pay a quarter for anything yet when we have a big free sign at the end of our driveway, they load up their car. What they don’t want for a dollar or two, they will cart away when it is free. Hmmm. Just my opinion, but if you don’t want something for a quarter, you probably don’t want it at all.

I actually had someone knock on my door yesterday asking about my free table and chairs that are down by the mailbox.

“Do you have the screws for the legs?”

“Yup, they’re attached.”

“Do you have the table leaf?”

Are they kidding? I thought I was being punked or something. IT’S for FREE!

“No, we don’t have the leaf, I didn’t know it had one.”

Looks at me as if considering “buying” the table despite it’s flaws. Shakes his head.

“That’s too bad.”

He leaves without the table, shaking his head as he walks down the driveway. I just want to scream “It’s free!”, but I close my door quietly.

Next year I am not going to have a tag sale. I am going to have a giant bonfire instead. I’ll start by breaking up this leafless table and use it for kindling. Afterall, it is free.